Open Letter: Elevening Friday
Hello friends. Many of you know I have a penchant for sporadic blasts of pseudo-news. It’s called a penchant, because I keep doing it; sporadic because I do it so inconsistently, and pseudo-news, because real news isn’t delivered via blog posts from people like me (e.g. SMOKING hot).
This is my disclaimer. If you don’t think you want to read news from me, that’s fine. Just close this window, go back to your Facebook page where you were just tagging pictures of me entertaining all the bored people at your launch party for the self-published “book” of spoken word poetry no one bought. It’s fine. Just close this tab, and tag me in that unflattering picture of me standing in that pop-up bike shop in Bushwick for your “book.” I fucking dare you.
Now. Folks… I’m sitting here at my desk typing away, looking for purpose, thinking about Heavy D dying at 44, wondering if I’ll be content to die with whatever will have been my legacy at so tender an age. I’ll start planning my first *wanted* pregnancy by then, so of course I’m scared. Will I be ready? Is it too soon? Once a woman starts having children she has to accept her income in coupons and get the word DONE tattooed over her tramp stamp so club owners know not to let her in. Am I ready for that? Do I have enough time to execute my personal goals before this hallowed end? I only have (LOUD PHLEGMY COUGH) years to fulfill all my dreams; before I am forced to resign from all personal and professional pursuits.
People, I want to leave a legacy for my children, because children aren’t sufficient legacies in and of themselves. They’re just the monsters in my mom’s basement.
I want to do something AWESOME…..on FRIDAY….in the form of a flash mob…… for this company we’re incubating over at Imprint called GOapp.tv that’s really awesome and I mean all the good things I say about it but please don’t judge me for captivating you just to download some smartphone app…
THE APP IS HERE
Here’s the deal. Friday is November 11, 2011 and according to Oscar shoe-in “Jack and Jill,” a really popular date of release to manipulate.
My epoch-shifting idea is really simple. If you have an iPhone, download this GO APP (it is free), and shoot ANYTHING with it on Friday (it’s a photo/video app), then tag it one of the following:
11.11.11ElevenElevenEleven
Some things you could shoot:
A clock turning 11:11.Three 11 year olds holding up birth certificates.Say the word eleven three times.Jump from the 11th floor of a building.Wear size 11 heels and walk all over 11 people.Set fire to your Movember beard for eleven seconds.Six boners in a row. Done.
If you don’t have an iPhone, steal one. A good place to look is in a graphic designer’s pockets. They’re very weak so it will be easy. Or reblog this thing and broadcast to people who will know what to do.
And Guys, I know what you’re thinking. “Anne’s too gangster for this crap. Why’s she faking a holiday?” Well it’s not crap. I love gimmicks, and I really like this app and the developers of it even more. They’re like you and me: really good at synchronized hip hop dancing. The damned app is free and Elevening the fuck out of Friday will make me so happy… of course it won’t end on Friday. You can continue to use the app, and choose your level of identity. Anonymously broadcast a crime. Usertag that pic of your greatest feats! Or your feet! Show me your tramp stamps before we’re declared done.
DONE,Anne Ishii
