Things I said today.

“I do the kind of sit-ups advertised in Men’s Health.”

“Even if I invent disposable boyfriends and they sell like Kleenex, I will never run a company with more than 10 people.”

“I thought it said ‘wagon tits’… does that mean you wear prairie bonnets as a bra?”

“Pining after boba-slanging girls who deserve their own manga?”

“His RVCA was all rvca.”

“It’s a language problem. Like you said ‘let’s grab dinner’ and they fondled a pig and called it a pork chop.”